Why…why leave? Why change?

Italian pizza made in Aust

Watching my friends, it’s amazing how, seated around this table, we have a French, two Germans, an Italian, a Polish and a Malaysian eat freshly-baked home-made pizzas, drink wine and beer, and chit-chat. We all come from different parts of the world, and here, we brought our differences and similarities together.

For all of us, there must have been at least one moment when we’ve thought if we really want to go to Australia, the land down under. Do I really want to go there for 1 year, 2 years, or even 3 years? Maybe I’ll go there for 2 years and then come back, and continue life as before. Maybe I’ll have a look and see if I like Australia and perhaps stay for a few more years? What about my girl/boy-friend? Will s/he join me later? Will I be lonely? Will I find someone that I like? Will I decide to settle down in Australia?

I believe that we can’t totally predict the future, and don’t totally know what we will do, or what would happen to us. As for me, I would never have expected that I’ll still be here after 8 years. Eight years of meeting new people and watch them leave me. Do I feel abandoned? Should I feel abandoned? What would you feel if you were me?

After so long, I should have gotten used to it. After all, life’s journey is like a never-ending path full of pebbles. Every person and every memory form these pebbles. Colourful pebbles if you will; all of different sizes and shapes. Sad to say, I still find it hard to swallow the feeling of someone leaving me, leaving my life. Perhaps it’s the change in my life that I can’t accept, nor want to face. I’m sure that the person who has left had his/her own changes to deal with. But, it is always about me, isn’t it? My feelings, my life!

But of course, feelings of aversion is not the solution. Impermanence – theme of my first Bodhi Nite: “Everchanging Moments”. It has definitely left an imprint in my life ever since the making of it. Of course I will remember what impermanence is…Change and uncertainties are definite.

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